Tom Clancy Jr: Inside The Verticle Gin Line

Meet THE DRUMMER from The Vertical Gin Line! His name is Tom Clancy JR-and he is something different!

MI-What is your birth date?
Tom-03/18/1975

MI-Describe the music of The Vertical Gin Line to me.
Tom-Power Rock, a la Queens of the Stone Age, Foo Fighters, Faith No More. Or, you could say we were somewhere between Duke Ellington and Bad Brains.

MI-Tell me the story about how you came up with the band name.
Tom-Our musical nemesis "The Horizontal Vodka Point" was already beginning to get good notices, so we stole their name concept.

MI-Tell me the story about how the band got together.
Tom-We met on a fishing trawler in the North Sea. I was a stowaway from Liverpool, the illegitimate son of Ringo Starr. Todd was the ship's first mate, and Matt was a boiler room mechanic. Alex we got through craigslist.org.

MI-Tell me something you think we should know about everybody in the band and be sure to tell up what the hell they do for the band.
Tom-Todd was born a woman, but now as a man plays guitar for us. Matt is heavily into German rock groups like "Falco", "Can" and "Kraftwerk". Their influence allows him to stumblejumblemumble lyrics at a prodigious rate. I am a military genius, as proved in numerous videogame campaigns to save various princesses, destroy enemy cities and sink various submarines. If only the government would trust me, we'd be out of Iraq, and I wouldn't have to play drums anymore.

MI-What is it like to play the world famous CBGB's?
Tom-Aside from needing a shower immediately after leaving, its great. The sound is terrific, the staff are largely cool, except one of the bouncers who obviously majored in "dickhead" at The University of Douchebag (California).

MI-What is your favorite track off of the new CD and why?
Tom-Channel 35. There's something really great about being 29, and singing "you're my last ditch effort, you're my last resort". It feels really real.

MI-Where do you see the band in five years?
Tom-Antartica, at the Penome Research Station. Decoding the genome further.

MI-Tell me what you want people to know about you.
Tom-I like Macaroni and Cheese. A LOT.

MI-Tell me about how you became a musician.
Tom-I lied to a cool kid. Seriously. This guy in my high school gym class was a cool guitarist. He started talking to me, and I BS'ed him and said I was a drummer. He then demanded that i be in his band, because they needed a drummer really badly. So, i went and bought a $50 drum set from some guys basement, took lessons and joined his band. 15 years later, here i am.

MI-What are your influences as a musician?
Tom-Keith Moon (the who), Ginger Baker (cream), Mitch Mitchell (hendrix), Dino Dinelli (the rascals), Mike Shreive (santana), Dave Grohl (nirvana), Jimmy Chamberlain (pumpkins), Matt Cameron (soundgarden), Dave Abbruzesse (pearl jam), Steven Adler (GNR, when they rocked), Charlie Benante (my personal hero, from Anthrax)

MI-A lot of bands get labeled as EMO, what is your opinion on EMO?
Tom-Emo, when it was Sunny Day Real Estate and Hum, ROCKED. Emo, as Dashboard Confessional, Thursday, and others, is kind of watered down, but it isn't "bad", per se. Its just not as good. Emo was just easy to pick on, because when you're sensitive and/or weak, you inspire bullies to pick on you. So, be emo, but be ready to throw down.

MI-Tell me about the song NO FLY ZONE.
Tom-With Nipplegate and the persecution of Howard Stern, Opie and Anthony, and the general culture of whitewashing our entertainment, we wanted to say something in direct rebellion. So, we get our bridge... "Spit curvey words, to save us from ourselves, And if i curse, its straight to fucking HELL". We dedicated that song to howard. Keep fighting for fart jokes man. keep hope alive!

MI-Who is the guy on the tricycle?
Tom-Matt's dad.

MI-Tell me about your guest on trumpet, and is he going to become a
regular band member?
MI-That is our hope. But he's being pursued by the VietCong for war crimes commited during the Tet Offensive in 68. If we can keep the nefarious General Thran off his ass, he's in.

MI-Who would you compare yourself to musically?
Tom-The New York subway system. Spoiled milk. Inanimate carbon rods. Phosphorus.

MI-What inspires your lyrics?
Tom-My lyrics involve bowel obstructions. Matts are generally more poetic. He'll speak on this more aptly.

MI-What makes The Vertical Gin Line the most important band out >> there?
Tom-One can write music to "say something", but we write music because WE HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. We have a message, we have the talent and skill to deliver the message, and frankly, we're damn cute.

MI-If a movie were made of your life, what would the theme song be >> and who would you want to play you?
Tom-The theme song would be "Its not easy being green" and animal from the muppet show would play me. In fact, they DID make a movie of my life. It was called the muppet movie. Oh, wait. maybe not. How about "We've only just begun" by the carpenters. And i would be played by johnny depp, only taller.

MI-If I could wave a magic wand and make three things happen for The
Vertical Gin Line right now-what would those three things be?
Tom-1-Tour opening up for a reunited Faith No More (ah, see, i squeezed two wishes in there!)
2- We'd be playing at the John Kerry inauguration (i did it again)
3- We'd be able to perform for 200,000 screaming kids on top of the great wall of china (we'd be on the wall, they'd be on the ground)

MI-Who in the world would you most like to open for and why?
Tom-Bands that currently exist, i'd say the Foo Fighters. Dave seems like a cool dude, he's an amazing drummer, and they are generally a supportive group with a great sense of humor. (and Sunny Day was half of that band for a while)

MI-Tell me about your dream record deal and who it would be with.
Tom-Interscope or American. We'd only be able to be produced by Rick Rubin, mastered by Andy Wallace, and we'd have no end in sight to our freedom to record.

MI-Which comic book super hero would you be and why?
Tom-Supergirl. Big hooters.

MI-Have you ever inhaled?
Tom-nope. really. my mom used to grow pot, hell my parents were super hippies. so i rebelled by not rebelling.

MI-What are your thoughts on legalizing drugs?
Tom-legalize it. Most of the people that are in prison for drugs are black or brown, and they got busted for USING drugs. seems like adding insult to injury. If you are an addict, you are a victim, not a criminal. And our shitty society condemns them further, rather than helping. Very christian of us, don't you think?


MI-If you were stuck on a desert island and could bring one CD, one bottle of liquor, one book, and one person-who and what would you bring?
Tom-GNR Appetite for Destruction.
Absolut Vodka
The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
My wife.

MI-Who in the world would you most like to dump a bucket of flesh eating ants on?
Tom-George W, or Michael Powell (head of FCC)

MI-What is your favorite movie of all time and why?
Tom-The Outlaw Josie Wales
because he was "mr greased lightning hisself". Every character was deep, and evil.

MI-Where were you when 9-11 happened and how did it affect you?
Tom-i was at work on 44th street. I watched tower two fall from the middle of fifth avenue. It messed me up, because my dad and my unlce were NY firefighters (yes, i am irish). They're retired, but I knew a lot of those guys that died. It was a real shitty day for my family.

MI-How would YOU have designed a memorial for the victims of 9-11?
Tom-Eh. its too soon for a memorial, in my opinion. The vietnam wall was so powerful because it was a reminder, just as america had sort of come to terms with the war. This thing, we don't need a reminder or a memorial. I still try to get my bearings in the city by spotting the towers, knowing that they were always "south", like a great compass point. I don't need a memorial yet. I have no intention of going to ground zero. i haven't yet, and i won't for some time.

MI-What are your thoughts about the FREEDOM TOWER that is being put up at ground zero?
Tom-its cool "1776 feet", how clever of them. I wish they'd stop fighting about it, because its all financially motivated bullshit. Sorry you're losing precious real estate square footage, but you actually lost it all, and are getting some back, you greedy fuckhead.

MI-What is your opinion on George W. Bush?
Tom-He is the worst president since Warren G Harding and or Calvin Coolidge. They really sucked. George W is a fucking puppet of his daddy, of his VP and of the Oil world, and of his shitty church. He has so many strings on his limbs and a hand up his ass, its a miracle he can move at all.

MI-Do you believe in psychics-why or why not?
Tom-sure. i believe in the afterlife, so why couldn't someone be able to see into that world. we only use a little bit of our brains and our capability, so why not awaken some of that dead tissue up there and get some super powers going!

MI-Have you ever had a paranormal experience?
Tom-I have seen a ghost. With my own eyes. It sucked. scared the shit out of me. I also dreamed into the future a lot when i was a kid. I would see stuff in my dreams that would happen exactly a few days later. various trips, conversations, lessons in school. it was really freaky. So, yeah, i have.

MI-If you could have lunch with ANYBODY, living or dead, who would >> that person be and why?
Tom-Teddy Roosevelt. Because he is a fascinating mofo. We'd probably be eating something that he shot, and we'd get to talk about the Panama Canal, the Great White Fleet, African safari, all that. I was a History major in college, and he really blows my mind.

MI-Who in the world would you most like to see The Vertical Gin Line open for and why?
Tom-Wait, did i answer this already? Well, let me change my answer. The Rolling Stones this time. Because about 40 million people come to see them. It helps to play with the stones. Look at pearl jam.

MI-What venue in the world would you most like to play and why?
Tom-Madison Square Garden. Hands down. I worked there for a summer. Its such an amazing place, with such a rich history. Plus, Led Zep played there.

MI-Tell me a joke.
Tom-"There is this talent agency and they are looking for fresh talent in the region so they put up posters everywhere. After a long day of casting calls the talent agent's secretary announces that the last candidates are ready to perform. A family of four walks into the talent office, a mother, a father, a girl and her younger brother. The little brother lays down a cardboard mat and the father sets a boom box on the talent agent's desk. He presses play and this really fast rap music starts playing.
The talent agent says wearily, 'well, let's see the act.'

With no further introduction they break into their routine. The young girl pulls off her father's tear-away pants and starts sucking his dick, while the mother starts eating the little boy's asshole. Once he's hard she picks him up and the father bends over and she starts feeding his dick into the dad's asshole while the daughter bends over underneath him and starts fucking him. The mother switches back and forth between licking balls and licking her daughter's pussy while her husband fucks her. When the father is just about to cum in his daughter he pulls a funnel out and sticks it in the mother's ass. He and his son beat each other off into the funnel until they fill the mother's ass up with cum, then the father pulls the funnel out of her ass and she squats over the daughter's face and shits the cum into her mouth. The daughter snowballs the shitty cum to the son and the son snowballs the cum to his dad and then finally the mother takes her glass eye out and the father drools the mouthful of cum into the mother's eye socket.

They all stand up and spread their arms apart, cum running down their faces and shit all over them, and they cry in unison, 'we're the aristocrats!'"

(taken from somethingawful.com, yes i know its the worst thing you've ever read. me too.)


MI-If you were god for a week, what would you do?
Tom-I would eliminate or reeducate everyone who made rules about ME. No more dogma. Only understanding, respect and freedom. Imagine there's no heaven, its easy if you try. Above us, only sky.

MI-Tell me, what is your favorite quote of all time?
Tom-"I like big butts and I cannot lie." Sir Mix A Lot.

-Thanks Tom!br />

About this Article

This article was written by Barbara Fara and is identified as Article #300.
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