Steve Vai is The Devil: The Story Continues
“Mystery Tracks Archives Vol. 3”-From The Secret Jewel Box Set
Label: Favored Nations
The Devil and his Agents on this CD: Steve VAI-Bass, Guitar, Tambourine,Multi-Instruments, Producer, Engineer, Sampling, Art Direction, The Devil.Morgan Agren-Drums. Deen Castronovo-Drums. Jonathan Haas-Percussion. Mike Keneally-Guitar, Keyboards. Mike Porcaro-Bass. T.M. Stevens-Bass, Vocals. Scott Thunes-Bass. Lill Vai-Clapping. Marc Zigenhagen-Keyboards. Devin Townsend-Vocals. Sergio Buss-Clapping. Robin Dimaggio-Drums, Producer, Drum Programming. Pia Vai-Clapping. Neil Citron-Clapping, Mastering. Ruta E. Sepetys-Clapping. (I would like to be a clapper some day; maybe The Devil will hold auditions for suitable clappers.)
“It’s sort of like a golden scrap pile. Devour with a silver spoon,” Steve Vai.
Now why would The Devil call this collection of gold nuggets a scrap pile? That just goes to show you that The Devil Vai works in mysterious ways. Obviously calling it a scrap pile was just a way to get the common ordinary folk interested in the work of the Devil. Devour with a silver spoon was a way of teaching them to listen to it without getting too wordy. See, the Devil does have an interest in the little dumb guy who can’t play guitar but loves it just the same. Every wicked demon guitar player deserves an audience of minions-and hell does allow adoring minions to enter the party. –So why The Mystery Tracks? Why does he call it that, it is just a PR gimmick concocted by the Devil and his PR, the Kayos Queen, in order to get your ATTENTION. I will tell you, you future minions of VAI. The Devil is gracious, and wants YOU to be allowed entrance into the BEST party eternity has to offer; besides-he needs to see people other than his 666 wives and four million squalling brats. This particular Devil is a people person and cares deeply about your boredom in the afterlife. Strumming harps and floating around clouds would be pretty fucking boring. Where in the hell would you plug in the amps? The Speakers? The stereos? People’s lives make good music. People’s emotions make good music, and the Devil is all about good fucking music-and from the numbers of kids he is all about good fucking too, after all-he is originally from Long Island and WE ALL KNOW about those Long Island boys don’t we? It is not REALLY about any MYSTERY, this CD. It is more like the keys to the Kingdom.
We all know The Devil does some charity work, and it is ALL related to MUSIC. Every guitar player needs a back up band. Even the Devil cannot devote himself to the guitar and play drums at the same time while he is onstage. –Case in point. The Devil Vai allowed BOTH David Lee Roth and David Coverdale to sing for him while he played guitar. So the Devil knows that he must foster the non-guitar players in order to provide PROPER back up and TRAINING for present and future demonic guitarists. Hence, The Devil does good work in order to provide a sort of quality control and he knows-IT IS A GOOD THING (side note: We all know Martha Stewart is demonically inspired. Hell has to have a caterer.) -So The Devil also fosters an audience of adoring fans.
1. Speed – This is a fast little ditty by The Devil. The Devil Vai must ALWAYS be number one. He must ALWAYS show that he IS THE DEVIL. This song was originally the first half of ‘Kill The Guy With The Ball’ off of the Alien Love Secrets album. Who is the Devil trying to kill, and who has pissed him off?
2. Just Cartilage- This was recorded during the Sex & Religion sessions. For some reason, Devin Townsend was allowed to sing on this track. I would have much preferred the snarl and growl of the Devil. You will get some snarling and growling guitar though.
3. San-San-Nana-Byoushi-This translates into three-three-seven beat when you translate it from Japanese into English. The Devil is an international sort of guy. Who said only those who speak English are allowed in hell?
4. Sofa-In 1991, The Devil Vai won a Grammy with this one for Best Rock Instrumental in 1991. It was recorded during a tribute to Frank Zappa. The Devil must win awards and be in the public eye. This was one of the last years the Grammy’s WERE NOT fucking RIGGED.
5. Essence-The essence of what? See-a better title for this song would have been YOUR SOUL, IT BELONGS TO ME AND I AM COMING TO COLLECT IT VERY SOON.
6. Wipe Out 2000-Vocals. Big on the fucking Disney Channel. Vai plays flight of the Bumble Bee on it. One must always give the children inspiration to pick up the guitar. Yes, The Devil is a child advocate.
7. Feathers-A ballad by The Devil. Can you hear him plucking out feathers on this? Has an Angel pissed him off somewhere along the way? -Listen. Pluck, Pluck, Pluck, Pluck, Pluck…..
8. Opposites Attract Part 1-The Devil sings about the creation of woman. The Devil is singing about creating that which pleases him now isn’t he? Who do YOU think created make-up and hair salons? Yes, The Devil. I have ALWAYS had this theory about The Devil creating high heels too.
9. Misfits-A ballad. Misfits have a home in the heart of The Devil. He love those who are different and don’t follow the herd like cows to the slaughter. This ballad is for you. Follow your dreams. Love good music, and be yourself. Just be sure to love The Devil.
10. Selfless Love-This was written by The Devil for his mother. He sings and plays an acoustic, sweetly. Read the liner notes. He was really taking his mother for a luxury cruise down the River Styx. I am not saying he doesn’t love his mom. I am saying the Devil loves his mom, just like everybody else.
11. Maple Leafs –A song for Canada. The leaves are falling. The leaves are burning, the red leaves are burning and it is getting colder outside now isn’t it?!?Look out Canada. Vai is coming for you with this one. You better pull your shit together and act right.-Other idiots who think they understand are calling this ‘a work of understated beauty.’ I know the truth.
12. The Murder –Supposedly this came from a dream.This track is the most bone chilling one on this album, and think about this-just in time for Halloween. There are NO COOKIE MONSTER vocals on this. It is just rich, wicked guitar wrapped around a death. This would have been great for the Freddy Vs. Jason soundtrack.
13. Opposites Attract Part 2-We drop The Devil’s vocals on this version and add some blistering guitar. After we make woman, I guess somebody has to make love to her don’t they? Why not the Devil Vai?Hell, if he is busy, it could be you.
-What good is the most AMAZING concert without adoring fans to listen to it? None. So The Devil fosters music appreciation in the masses by releasing his music on them. Music is a reflection of people’s lives and what is going on in the world. STEVE VAI shows that he has his finger on the pulse of what is going on at all times with his release of Mystery Tracks Archives Volume 3. This CD is a reward for the legions of Vai’s minions already in existence, and a tool for future minions to gain an understanding of The Devil. He is coming for YOU.
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